oh jessica.

I don't know why I've been feeling so empty. Maybe the feeling of it seeming like you don't make the person you're in love with happy anymore slowly eats away at you.
I haven't been wanting to eat...but I've been having strong cravings for iced coffee when I hate it.

Something must be wrong with me.

I won't give up on you
These scars won't tear us apart
So don't give up on me
It's not too late for us
And I'll save you from yourself
And I'll save you from yourself

Your voice makes me happy. You make me happy.

So I'm sitting here in the library, feeling very anti-social and not wanting to interact with anybody at all. Minding my own business while I write See Jay. My eyes burn, like I've barely gotten any sleep. Blah. Whatever. I had a bad dream. Like a REALLY bad dream :|
I think that's why I don't want to talk to anybody.
I don't know why most of my bad dreams about him always has to do with See Jay and myspace. Maybe because I fear that he'll start talking to some other girl and blah blah. She'll be prettier and cooler than me and he'll leave me in the dust and she'll make him happier and anything I feel like I couldn't do...or don't do anymore. But basically I found out that he had been talking to other girls. Giving them his number to text him and telling them he loved them and vice versa. And I woke up crying. That could be another reason why my eyes burn.
I'm trying my hardest not to dwell on it because I know it will make me in a bad mood and I'll start thinking that it's true :[
But I can't help it. My insecurities are resurfacing and it scares me that I'm not good enough.

I need you to hear me out; I need more than one lined answers.
Please don't keep things from me. It isn't fair that you need to know what's going on in my head while I don't get anything in return.

Je t'aime avec tout mon coeur.

I had my first night of work for the Scream Zone. It was okayy. I wish they wouldn't make a big deal about me like moving around so much since I'm some mannaquin in a factory. But anyway. I realized that I want to change my major and do special effects makeup.
I looked up that i need to take classes. So perhaps I'll get an A.A in theatre at Palomar and transfer to UCSD and major in theatre thereee and BAM I'll become some badass special effects artist for zombie movies :D

February(ish) started the infection. April, I was subdued. Now it's almost October.
HORY COW.
:]]]

When you tell a person you're sorry and they "accept" it....but don't feel like you truly meant what you said.

So I haven't written in a while...I don't know. A lot has gone on...but kinda not really.

Okay that would be a complete lie.



I am so estatic for June 19th. Jeffree Star is playing at SOMA and I'm like peeing my pants over here because I'm so excited. Like....oh man. When I heard that....I could have just alkldiwai!!! Anywayyy. Augy and I are going to go see him. I can't wait. I want it to be NOW. I'm also excited for Warped Tourrr againagain. Lalala.


I went through and got the chest tattoos I wanted. Yay me.
I've been going to the movies alot. Yay me again.
I've been eating ice cream. Yayayayay.


I saw I Love You, Man with Augy on Monday.
And I believe on friday he, Alex, and I saw Crank 2 high voltage. OMFGGGGGGG I loved that movie.
And before that....so the day I actually go muh tattoosss I saw the Haunting in Connecticut. Pretty good. I actually wasn't that scared....until one scene I flew out of my chair and said, "Holy fuckballz!!" or something along those lines.



There's been something else that's been going on....for a while now..and umumum....it's a secret :]
But I'm happy as a clam. But until the state of California and Oklahoma can conjoin....my happiness with be gratified by other means.



Anyway...I guess that's all.

OOOOOOHHHH yeah. I finall got my new phone....of course it's been like 2 weeks already...but....yeah. I'm estatic about it....about a lot of things lately. Woo.



Only you and me inside my head
Time and time again
These talks turn to stone
These talks turn to stone

And when they dry we will be ready
Only time can keep your heart steady
On beat
On beat

But I do.
Ugh.
:/

There are a millon things I could say.
But for now, this basically sums it up:

There’s those things you have to pay for
There’s things you get for free
It doesn’t cost a fortune
When the fortune pays for me

Cause I'm a woman with taste and a girl with true ambition
I guess I rather like the feel of the leather in a moving car

It seems like I've been posting stuff once a week. It's not my intention but I guess that's just the way it seems to be lately. Hah.

Anyway. I had a really weird dream about this kid from my english class I don't even talk to which was totally random. He was suppose to be this kid I liked in high school that I actually saw on campus a couple weeks ago.
Maybe it's my subconcious telling me that the kid my english class reminds me of him. I don't know.

I'm extremely tired for no reason today. I went to bed early and woke up about 30 minutes before my alarm went off. My eyes burn. My make-up is running. I keep squinting my eyes and I paid not the slightest attention in my math class (which was a big no-no).

I think I want to go to the University of Pennsylvania to get my degree in history and work and the National Archives in Philedalphia. Or maybe I'll just go to USCD like planned and then move and get a job there. Or at least become a history teacher. Meh, I don't know. But that's what I want to do.

I think I'm really liking school more this semester. Although last semester was okay because I met a lot of chill people.
But I like my classes so much more.

Tomorrow is my sisters birthday. Today is the one year anniversary of Heath Ledgers death :(
Blahhhhh.

He was so fine.

I love Owl City. I'm obsessed with him because he reminds me of PlayRadioPlay!
:)

I enjoyed eating lunch with Augy today. It was fun. He makes me laugh so much!!!!!!!

I think that's it for now.

Why are people major douche mongers?
I feel kinda like I'm in a shitty mood. But I'm not because I talked to Emily again!

But anyway, yesterday was amazing! (I'll probably write about it later and when I say that...I mean in a couple weeks if I'm not lazy)
I hate when friends feel like crap.
And I hate it even more when other friends over react and act like babies.

Anyway. School starts tomorrow!!
I'm know I'll probably write something about that...I guess.

I'm starting off the New Year with a cold I think :/
Eh.

And a sore tummy and neck from Elaines party because of playing limbo!!!

I still need to work on my poetry.
a;sldfa
I can't wait for school to start....kind of.
<3

I think I am set for life:

And not fucking interested.

Emily and I are talking again. Hopefully things won't get messed up again.